fall to pieces

"And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you"

have u ever feel that you're not allowed to love someone? when your brain and your heart want exactly two opposite things? and when in the end, there's nothing you can do it about but just to let your feeling to simmer in the dampness of your misery? *najis... pahit abis yak??*

if you love someone, despite all of the despicable things he had done in the past... can you call that true love? or is it just...*sigh* i dont know what to call it... i've lost words to put a name of this feeling. my tongue is too numb to say these feelings i have...it's been too long, it's been too hurtful...

this feeling... to just say nothing in front of him... just sit there, stare at him and let your heart do the talking... it's uncountable how many times have your lips had said the words 'i love you' and you meant it with every bit of your heart, but will it make any difference if your heart says it? no... the tears have given up hope, every crystal drop of feelings had been frozen and... no more left, my eyes are already shut....

but everytime my lips said 'enough!' .... i find my heart still in the same place...with him....